i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
