he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
