I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
