he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
