he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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