It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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