well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
