Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
