I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
