The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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