is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
