I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
