I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
