Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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