is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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