So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
