69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
