i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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