About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
