How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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