i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
