when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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