when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
