If that was your dad, he is hot
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
