Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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