afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
