He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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