very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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