You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she pinky promised me she was 18
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
