Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
