Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Less talking, more tequila
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
