Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
