when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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