so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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