what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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