Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
