her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
