xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
