She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
