Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
