Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
