Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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