I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
