well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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