What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
