I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
