so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
