My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
