I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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