Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
