you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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