i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
